Deep thoughts by Lisa Banning

I don't have much to say in terms of a thoughtful, insightful blog. But I have quit a few random thoughts. And I've had a good run of interesting patients lately. In face, so many that I need to have a blog called "S**t my patients say. But that gets into a whole legal thing. So here it is....all my thoughts on a page.

Patients and related patient thought:

45 yo female here today for check-up. She starts telling me how she is doing and how she has been feeling. She says she's great, when "her heart stops she does her CPR and 2 rescue breaths and it starts back up again." She then goes one to demonstrate. She also tells me about her concerns over her medication because you can't breastfeed while taking it. She has had a hysterectomy.

This is the same woman who told my boss that she really enjoys camping except when the chipmunks talk to her they often are too loud.

Same day, that afternoon. I see a woman requesting a pregnancy test. She reports that her "uterus has grown back and she's 2 months pregnant". Her husband "felt it move last night" After informing her that body parts don't grow back, she agreed to an xray. She was constipated. Her husband was very happy that she was, literally, full of shit.

Had a woman come in today with a bite (from her husband obtained in a fight) on her face. She wanted to know if she needed a rabies shot. I think she has other problems to deal with first.

Commented on a 9 yo girl's shirt by saying, It's really cool, you look like Madonna. She asked, "who's that?" OMG, I'm officially old.

Other thoughts:

Who are these woman who dress like the models in Cosmo? Or InStyle? And are 4 inch heels really comfortable?

Read a "dressing stylishly during pregnancy book" and one of the suggestions was never to wear comfortable flats. I thoughts who are these bitches reading this book and have they ever been pregnant.

Thought to myself, I could get a perm. My hair needs some body. WTH? Do they even do perms anymore? (NOT getting one)

How is it my daughter can open the door on the changing table, get out the vaseline, smear it on her face and toes in the time it take me to pee, but can not manage to feed herself noodles?

And that's it for now. I'm off to bed to think about my trip to NY in 2 days! Holy crap that was fast! So dear readers, please respond with some random thoughts of your own.